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WE ALWAYS KNEW IT. WE’RE THE NAVEL OF THE UNIVERSE — The Science Channel aired a documentary last month about how our very own Lake Elizabeth was the scene of very strange doings about a century ago. Seems the place has a Jekyll & Hyde character. Not only was it named Rabbit Lake, but also, Diablo Lagoon, or Home of the Devil’s Pet. The show recalled how locals, including community leader, Addi Lyon, witnessed a creature that looked like a pterodactyl flying not only around Lake Elizabeth in the late 1890s, but that it actually flew into it, sending huge waves and steam into the air and almost overturning some fishermen in a boat. The L.A. Times did a couple of stories about this around that time. The TV show speculated that this was actually a ship using the lake as a gateway between dimensions.

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MORE MONSTER STUFF — Of course, if only the produces would have contacted local historian, John Boston. Seems in 1780, Father Junipero Serra named the small body of water, La Laguna del Diablo after local stories about the creature rising from the surf to terrorize the ranchlands. Serra believed the creature was Satan’s pet. Hmmm. Wonder if they had Purina Pterodactyl Chow back then?

MONSTER, PART III — A Don Pedro Carrillo reportedly abandoned his lakeside ranch in 1830 after a fire and monster sightings. American settlers in 1850 reported the creature, as did Don Chico Lopez around that time. Chico and two men claimed that a giant bat-like creature ascended out of Lake Elizabeth and was eating his cattle. Rancher Miguel Leonis made similar claims, as did Don Felipe Rivera in 1886. We mentioned that Addi Lyon (Lyons Avenue is named after his father — Sanford, the shopkeeper — and uncle Cyrus — the pistol fighter — the twin Lyon Brothers) saw the beast. He described it as: “The thing was as big as a hose, had wings like an oversize bat, big bulgy eyes the size of mushrooms that glowed like Southern Pacific headlights, and a long, wooly tail. Another witness said, quote: “It would hover over the lake (lake elizabeth) for a moment, then plunge beneath the surface with a loud hissing sound, raising huge waves which like to drown the fascinated observers on the bank” The creature had a skunk-like odor to it.

MONSTER, PART IV — Interestingly, there were written reports in the old Tombstone Epitaph around this time about cowboys chasing down this devil’s pet and killing it. It was measured with a wingspan of 162 feet and a body-length of 100 feet. Our own Major Horace Bell, who served as head of the California Rangers and was one of the first passengers to go over Beale’s Cut in a stagecoach (sort of; he walked both up the grade and down; that first stage crashed). Bell wrote of this mega-lizard-bird in his 1930 book, “On The Old West Coast.”

MONSTER, PART V — The Tombstone Epitaph also ran a photo of a giant “bird” two prospectors killed in Arizona. The miners brought the beast back to Tombstone in a wagon. Posing in front of the creature, which was nailed to the side of a building, were six men, arms outstretched. The wingspan on this one was 36 feet. The Epitaph denies they published a photo and said if it was published, it wasn’t in their paper. No known copy has surfaced, but many claim to have seen it.

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THE WEST RANCH BEACON IS OFFERING A $10,000 REWARD — For the capture — alive — of this giant beast. Granted. The thing is reported to be maybe 100-feet long. But that’s why we’re offering $10,000 to anyone who will turn it in — alive — to West Ranch Beacon editor and publisher, Dave Bossert. No Questions Asked.

BIG FAT STUPID CORRECTION: OK. NOW THE SCV WORLD RECORD ENDS — Last month, we jumped the gun by announcing that the SClarita Valley’s record for rain in the most consecutive months ended. Alas, The Count and his entourage left on an extended tour of northern Cal’s wine country, hitting the road July 29th. The next day, July 30th, it rained! Not much, but enough to cover the ground completely. Well. As of August 30th, except for a couple of sprinkles, it didn’t rain all of last month.

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OR DID IT? — The record is this. Except for the loyal readers of Count Sauguslavsky and The West Ranch Beacon, no one in town realizes that it has rained in EVERY month since August of 2009. It hasn’t done that since before we started keeping records back in 1888. How long, duh, we don’t know because why? No records. But, with those couple of sprinkles last Sunday in Castaic, does that count as rain? Should we keep the record going?

YOU, THE SCV RAIN-MAKING PUBLIC WILL DECIDE. — OK, guys and gals. Let us know. Thumbs up or thumbs down. Does a few drops mean precipitation? Should we count those drops and keep the SCV Rain Record going? Or, should we just drape a big, black funeral ribbon on the whole thing? Let us know in the comments below. Hey. That rhymed.

FROM ACTONIAN JANICE FRYER ASHTON — A lot of us have friends and relatives who survived the big earthquake in the east last month. Scientists have tracked down the cause of the big quake. It was the Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves…

WHO’S SLEEPING WITH WHOM — We have it on good authority that the following are sleeping together during these hot September climes: Mr. and Mrs. Mike & Melina Berger; Kathy & Bob Kellar; Greg & Chel Amsler (of Salt Creek Grille — go there, eat and drink like a Hun at his bachelor party and ask for your “Special Count Sauguslavsky Discount!”); Jeff & Kiki Hacker; Rita & Lou Garasi; and, John & Janice Hoskinson.

SENSELESS PALMDALE BASHING — So a Palmdale gal is visiting the SCV and decides to try horseback riding — even though she’s never been on a horse. She climbs aboard the mount unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace. But, the Palmdale gal begins to slide from the saddle. Terrified, she grabs for the horse’s mane but can’t get a firm grip. The Palmdale-ette tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but slides down the horse’s side. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to the plight of its out-of-town and slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the Palmdale woman attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot is entangled in the stirrup. She’s now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground, over and over and over. As her noggin is battered against the ground, she’s mere moments away from unconsciousness when, all of a sudden, and to her great fortune Mike Gillespie, the kindly and aging Walmart greeter sees the Palmdalian’s dilemma, walks over calmly and unplugs the horse. And you thought all Gillespie did was coach college baseball.

SHAMELESS (ouch!) PLUG — If you want a real horse lesson, call Liz over at Don-E-Brook Farms. That’s 296-9995 or drop in at 28680 San Francisquito Road, Santa Clarita, CA. Or, visit their website: donebrookfarms.com. Don’t even think about calling and going, in a deep voice, “Ohhhhh, Wilburrrrr.” It’s been done.