Top of the summer morning to you, dear compadres. Hope your collective backsides are all cured and comfy from last week’s trail ride through time. This week, we’ll be lending a hand to silent film superstar, Bill Hart. Poor cowpoke got knocked clean unconscious- and not in the movies, either. We’ll shake our heads tsk-tsk style at two of the most dang dumbest and willful firebugs in history. And there’s your usual plate of varmints, brigands, crooks, sickos and politicians to visit.

(CAPTION — Seventy years ago this week, retired silent film star William S. Hart was knocked clean out — by his dogs. Hart owned a pair of huge Harlequin Great Danes. The pair playfully both jumped up on the elderly man, knocking him down. Hart landed on his head and was unconscious for a while. Except for a few scrapes, he recovered with a headache.)

Well. Time to saddle up. If you’re a little sore from last week’s trail ride, confirm your gender, then cowboy or cowgirl up. That’s our vortex trail ahead…

WAY, WAY BACK WHEN —

— Back on August 14, 1875, Charles Mentry of later Mentryville fame began drilling for oil in Pico Canyon.

— The biggest recorded gold nugget ever found in this area was plucked from Santa Feliciana Canyon on August 15, 1849. It weighed 8 pounds. That’d make a heck of a paperweight or hood ornament.

AUGUST 18, 1921 —

— On this date, Fred Lamkin finished his big warehouse on Railroad Avenue. It would hold everything from oil to furniture. The feds used it as a storage unit for holding evidence of all the moonshine and stills they busted in the area. Constable Jack Pilcher once was disposing of evidence — some chemicals to make sour mash — and got the harsh stuff all over his thick rubber boots. The goop ate through the boots and into Jack’s flesh. He was laid up for nearly a half-year recuperating.

AUGUST 18, 1931 —

— Bad luck followed the Pilcher men. Jack Pilcher, nationally renowned Newhall lawman, was accidentally shot between the eyes by his partner in 1925. A year later, Jack’s son died in a freak accident when he fell off a large wooden latter and was impaled by a flagpole stake. Jack’s brother, Marvin, died on this date of tuberculosis.

AUGUST 18, 1941 —

— Two women — Mrs. Florence Herzig and Mrs. Mary Miller, motored out to the Lake Hughes area for a little picnicking and ended up in jail. The pair were caught on the side of the road, lighting firecrackers and throwing them into the summer dry grass near several buildings. After refusing to show up at court, a warrant was issued. The women pleaded poverty to $50 fines. The fines were lowered to $10 and the women said they still couldn’t pay them and took the five days in jail instead. The story hit all the Los Angeles papers when a wealthy matron showed up at the local courthouse, calling the judge every name in the book and accusing the jurist of violating their constitutional rights. She paid the two firebugs’ bail. Local law enforcement, forest service and fire officials were rather livid and felt the two women (who were described as “rather good-looking” ought to at least hang for purposefully trying to start a forest fire in one of the driest region of Los Angeles County.

— You can understand how our civil servants would have been upset with letting the firebugs go with a slap on the wrist. Get this. Two hunters were arrested by game wardens during the first week of deer season. They had each shot fawns and were fined $150 each.

— Antonio Brutti was well-armed and ready for deer season. All he got was a hole in his hand. Brutti was camping in upper Saugus and in the morning, reached for what he thought were his pants. He somehow managed to grab his loaded rifle by the barrel and caused it to discharge, aerating his mitt. Hmmm. Think ol’ Antonio could have used some flash cards on the difference between a cold, skinny, metal rifle barrel and a pair of dungarees…

AUGUST 16, 1947 —

— How I miss wishing this: Happy darn birthday to our pals at Newhall Hardware in old Downtown Newhall. This week would have marked their 64th anniversary of being in business. If you ever needed ANYTHING, it could be found in one of those ancient bins there.

AUGUST 18, 1951 —

— Here’s an odd kitchen accident for you. Mrs. Jeanette Wood was cooking dinner when she pulled down two cans of freshly-packed tomatoes. The preserves had gotten too hot and exploded. Shards of glass were imbedded everywhere. Mrs. Wood got off with minor burns and cuts and considered herself lucky. When she came home, there were several chunks of glass stuck an inch-deep in the wood ceiling.

— It’s funny how lives can change drastically. Only after death did the community learn about the early years of one of their town characters, a recluse named “Mac” McMasters, who lived in a self-made lean-to cabin near Forrest Park. The area was called Troutmen’s Tract back then. His last 20 years, McMaster’s was known as a friendly but tight-lipped hermit, who eked out a meager living. Authorities going through his papers after his last and final visitor — death — found that Mac had graduated from Yale, did post-graduate work at Stanford, was a hero during World War I and married a French girl. What led him to his final 32 years as a hermit was anyone’s guess…

— An aged hobo fell off a freight train north of Lang in upper Canyon Country. A jolt of the train braking sent Grant Gobler, 71, under the wheels of the flatbed and cut his hand off at the wrist. Gobler was able to walk a half-mile with a severed limb to get help.

AUGUST 18, 1961 —

— Bill Gulley, a beloved long-time resident and community supporter, passed away on this date, 40 years back. Bill was the head chef at Wayside Honor Rancho for many a year. He was on board when Wayside accidentally served some poisoned pig livers to several inmates, sending about 40 of them to the infirmary. On the bright side, they tweren’t Muslims.

AUGUST 18, 1971 —

— A low-life hunter wandered through the Ruby Creek campground and slaughtered the sleeping pet of two teen-age boys. A man described as about 30 snuck into the tented area and shot a dog sleeping outside their tent. One of his bullets ricocheted into the sleeping bag, hitting a 13-year-old in the leg. Fish & Game officers noted that such human vermins would wander the local woods, looking for coyotes, raccoons, skunks or possums and that this person might have mistaken the dog for a coyote. The dog, a Doberman, had to suffer for nearly an hour before authorities could be summoned. In a similar incident about 30 years earlier, two other boys were out camping with their dog. Someone shot the dog and a boy, but in that previous case, the boy died.

— On this date, the Army Corps of Engineers came up with a master plan to protect the valley from Old Testament flooding. It consisted of a series of channels — some cement, some earthen — that would channel previously crippling floodwaters through the Santa Clara River and out to sea.

AUGUST 18, 1981 —

— On this date, some local community activists — Jo Anne Darcy, Cliffie Stone, Judi Martin, Jay Miller and Milt “Uncle Miltie” Diamond — announced that Downtown Newhall would have their own cowboy version of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Originally called the “Cowboy Celebrity Stampede,” the group planned to enshrine historic Western figures via bronze saddles in the sidewalks of San Fernando Road’s business district. Who were the first three to be honored? Tom Mix, Bill Hart and Gene Autry. Today, that area is dubbed Newhall’s Walk of Western Stars.

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Thanks so much for the company, dear neighbors and saddlepals. Sure is fun riding with you. See you next week in another exciting Time Ranger adventure here at The West Ranch Beacon. Until next week, vayan con Dios, amigos